Beloved Amma,

I’m visiting the ashram for Christmas brunch

I hear your voice
call me into the puja room
a quiet moment with You

The room is empty
it looks 
feels
different

A large photograph of You
hangs between the windows
a tiny spotlight illuminates your face
I’ve never seen this image before

Amma
your eyes
looking in to me
through me
into my soul

I stand motionless
transfixed
dark brown eyes
pull me in
holding me
like a hug
that never ends

I let go
losing myself
in them

Beyond the windows
winter green hills and blue sky
Nearby
voices from the kitchen
everything recedes into blurry space

Time slows down
gliding into stillness
I flow in and out of wordless spaces
beyond labels and explanations
only this experience of floating remains

I open my eyes
You are still here
your gentle gaze
piercing into me
pulling me
deeper and deeper
into You
this vast space
the depth of my being

You and me
alone
this moment
I have so longed for

You knew
You came
Your Christmas darshan for me

My breath
like gentle waves on a lake
rising and falling
fluid
uninterrupted space
free of contraction

I am home
I want to stay
here
in this infinite universe
for
ever

Emptiness
nothingness
stillness
the only motion
is breath

This
is
peace

Amma
my love for you
goes beyond words
thank You
for bringing me
home

Amma’s Ashram
Castro Valley / San Ramon, California
December 25, 2018