2023 – A twist in the journey towards self


January 24th, 2023
A biopsy reveals the ulcer on my tongue is a squamous carcinoma 

February 18th, I turned 73

March 22nd … Surgery …. again
the sixth one in a year and a half
“good” news, they got all the tumor
“bad” news, cancer was found in 2 lymph nodes in my neck
It’s not a fully enclosed cancer cell 
“it has like a little beak sticking out” says the surgeon
so it can spread… 
“aggressive” they say
my body contracts
at the harshness of the term
I choose to think that due to its nature,
this cancer can spread more easily
feels softer
my body relaxes
easier to be with myself

I want to keep my body, my being, as a peaceful place
a place free of “aggressive”, “fight”, “kill” 
to remember that cancer is a cell
neither good nor bad
not my enemy
just a cell

Chemo, radiation options…
Standard or experimental trials?
It’s all so overwhelming
the list of side effects is daunting
“Do I really want to do this to myself?”
Never a clear answer
always a back and forth dance
allowing parts to be heard
to be acknowledged
to be held

to be in choice
Amma to guide me

May 30, 2023
Start treatment at UCSF
6 weeks
30 radiation, 5 days a week
6 chemo, once a week

Breathe
breathe in deeply
exhale fully

Repeat

Categories: The Journey, WritingsTags: , , , ,

17 comments

  1. I just popped into WordPress after a long absence and I’m so saddened to hear about your health situation. Sending you heartfelt hopes for healing after your 30-day treatment. Blessings to you, dear blogging friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I cant’t give this post a like, but I wish you all the strength you need on that new journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thinking of you at this time dear Arati. The main thing is to be at peace with your choices and you will feel this natural alignment with your spirit pulsing through to guide you. Sending love and light across the miles 💫💖💫

    Like

  4. I wish you a lot of courage…. thumbs up and take good care of yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Wishing you healing and comfort.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am in a cancer journey with my husband right now. It is daunting. One step at a time. I am thinking of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Arati,

    Please know that I am thinking of you. I’ve experienced something of the beauty in your life, and peace, through your wonderful photography over the past few years. I feel I have to come to know a bit about your soul. I wish you the very best in the battle you have ahead. -Curt

    Liked by 1 person

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