A Wondrous Gift

The bright yellow and black bird flies by,
Landing on a branch of the pine tree
Just outside my window.
It’s the first one I’ve ever seen.

Magical seconds
Of beauty and aliveness.
I feel the fullness of the moment,
How much I love living here!

Instantly the contraction happens!
My heart and rib cage tighten,
No more room for my lungs to expand.
I feel my joy being shattered,
Crushed out
Lifeless.

I hear the inner voice,
An old voice born long ago to protect:
Don’t allow yourself to feel this joy, the wonder of this moment
It will be taken away, you will have to move
You will feel sad, lonely, lost …. once again
Don’t allow this moment to exist. 

I long to experience, with my whole being
The fullness of this joy,
The expansion of my heart and lungs.
To be alive, vibrant.

Impermanence bubbles up,
Flashing across the screen of my mind.
Reading Pema Chödrön’s book
When Things Fall Apart
Going over the pages,
The paragraphs,
The lines,
Slowly touching,
And being touched by the words,

Contemplating Impermanence,
How to be with
To breathe into
To allow

And now,
I witness myself,
As the yellow and black bird flies from one branch to another,
Then off into the nearby redwood tree.
Breathing deeply I gently hold the young part of myself,
The one who is afraid,
Paralyzed.
Together we breathe,
Allowing ourselves to fully take in the magic,
To celebrate this moment
To see the gift
To be with
To deeply breathe into
To allow for joy
To live

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